I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
