i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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