I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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