Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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