I wish I could punch you in the face.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
