Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
