I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
