any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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