I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
