the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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