we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
