Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
