Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize