Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
