I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
