She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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