My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
