I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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