Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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