There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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