guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
