Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize