imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
