I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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