Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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