alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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