when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
