what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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