love makes seman taste better
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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