I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
