Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
