So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
