i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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