you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
