i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
