4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
