So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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