the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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