Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
