why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
