dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
