we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
