My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
