How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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