the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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