her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
