i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
