i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
