All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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