he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she pinky promised me she was 18
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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