Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
