everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
