His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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