Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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