yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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