upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I smell like Dick and happiness
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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