so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
did you just send me my own nude
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
