So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
