she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
