Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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