Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
