I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
