please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
