Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
cat food counts as protein by the way
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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