You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
