Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
