if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
they're like a gay fantastic four
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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