maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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