I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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