oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
