Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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