the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
