I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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