my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
