don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
