No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
