a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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