I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
