Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
