Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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