I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
