Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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