sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
