i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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