If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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