Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
