I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
