So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
