You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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