Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
