I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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